Well I watched you serving breakfast

And I watched you serving lunch

If someone wanted special orders

In the nose you would them punch

You never showed no kindness

And I’ve always had a hunch

That you spat on the pepperoni pizza


You always seemed unhappy

Uptight and ill at ease

Like one who felt the pressure

Of the sword of Damocles

Then one day you just disappeared

Off to see some Hippocrates

And you came back as Surlina


Oh Surlina

Oh Surlina


Gone were your one day’s beard

Your lolling Adams apple

Where once strong pecs were

Lay exposed cleavage, caramel

What a quizzed shock it was

To your sandwich bar clientele

To see a woman serve their tuna


Was this the cause of your malaise

The feeling that you missed your call

The feeling that you wanted the big cut

What men thought the unkindest cut of all

And when Doc Shylock took his pound of flesh

You could finally stand up tall

Shouting, “Here I am!  I’m Surlina!”


Oh Surlina

Oh Surlina


Are you the same person as before you left

Do you inhabit the same soul

Is a turkey sandwich still itself

Whether on rye, wheat, or sourdough

What does it matter when you’re in love

If with Juliet or Romeo

Except to the small minds of Verona


And as I sit here contemplating this

And grand enigmas manifold

My mayo has gone hard, opaque

My tatertots have grown cold

I pray I can overcome my fears

To be so brave and oh so bold

As to get them reheated by my Surlina!


Oh Surlina

Oh Surlina



Written by Lard Bucket Lunch