1. The Monarchy (July 16, 1908)
Asserts that the United States has become a monarchy with succession contained within the Republican party.
2. The Panic (November 1, 1907)
Blames financial panic on Roosevelt and credits financiers for forestalling its worst effects; compares own financial plight to the lone member of the Young Men's Christian Association who was not able to gain access to a speaking engagement.
3. The Hunting of the Cow (October 18, 1907)
Ironically compares Marconi's transmission of a wireless communication across the Atlantic to the news of a failed bear-hunting expedition by Roosevelt; recalls Morse's first transatlantic telegraph message in 1858 and the appearance of the great comet in the same year.
(October 21, 1907)
Further comic commentary on a news report of Roosevelt's bear-hunting expedition.
4. The President as Advertiser (September 7, 1907)
Commentary on a news article of allegations of bribery in Roosevelt's election; criticism of Roosevelt's self-serving showmanship.
5. Naturalist and Nature-Fakir (May 29, 1907)
Criticizes Roosevelt's attack of naturalist, Mr. Long; general criticism of Roosevelt, including Order 78.
(May 30, 1907)
More on the Roosevelt/Long controversy; criticizes skeptics outside of their area of expertise.
6. The True Character of Mr. Roosevelt (July 14, 1908)
Response to a Colliers's editorial supporting Roosevelt, written by Norman Hapgood; criticizes Roosevelt's efforts to nominate Taft for the presidency, Roosevelt's motivations for dining with Booker T. Washington in the White House, and the Brownsville incident involving the stationing of colored troops in a town in Texas.
7. The American Gentleman (April 3, 1906)
Claims that Roosevelt is representative of America's ill-manners; makes reference to the killing of six hundred Moros near Jolo in the Philippines.
8. Domitian (September 12, 1908)
Claims that he will vote for Taft in the presidential election; describes American politics in terms of a Roman monarchy.
(August 11, 1906)
Commentary on newspaper clipping of a humorous letter Clemens had written to Andrew Carnegie, asking for money to purchase a hymnbook.
(December 2, 1907)
Character sketch of Andrew Carnegie and his unconcealed vanity for flattery; joke about diminutive Hartford lawyer cross-examining a large woman; criticism of Roosevelt, including Order 78; Carnegie and Clemens debate the inclusion of "In God We Trust" on U.S. currency.
(December 10, 1907)
Describes banquets and speechmaking and his own attempt to forgo them; instance of a banquet honoring Carnegie; Clemens's speech on the difficulty of spelling.
1. The Drift Toward Centralized Power (December 13, 1906)
Reports speech of Secretary of State, Mr. Root, that prophesizes the centralization of power in the federal government; concludes that America is drifting towards monarchy because of human nature.
2. Purchasing Civic Virtue (January 15, 1907)
Compares America to Rome; bewails the buying of votes with veterans' pensions and Executive Order 78, but admits being afraid to confront the American public directly.
3. Senator Clark of Montana (January 28, 1907)
Describes a dinner at the Union League Club honoring the deplorable Senator Clark; mentions Jay Gould's meager contribution to the poor.
4. The Teaching of Jay Gould (February 16, 1906)
Decries the religion of greed taught by Jay Gould; makes fun of a seemingly pious article about John McCall; castigates Americans who venerate the unscrupulous rich.
5. The Teaching Applied (January 30, 1907)
Blames Jay Gould and his successors for the corruption of the American moral system; accuses Senator Guggenheim of buying his office from his state's legislature.
6. Mr. Rockefeller's Bible Class (March 20, 1906)
Explains that although the public laughs at John D. Rockefeller Jr.'s Biblical explication, it is not dissimilar to common theological doctrine; writes to the Bible Class his own interpretation of the Biblical Joseph's shrewd business practices in Egypt.
7. The Little Tale (January 30, 1907)
Story of a book collector's find of a Shakespeare First Folio in a farmer's house and the subsequent purchase for a fraction of the price; compares to the honesty of Hammond Trumbull of Hartford.
8. Illustration of a Fine Art (May 21, 1908)
Clemens helps engineer a meeting between Rockefeller and major American magazine publishers with the result favorable to Rockefeller; incident of a Rockefeller-funded physician saving the life of an infant through blood transfusion.
9. A. B. C. Lesson
Question-and-answer dialogue defending Standard Oil at the expense of the Republican party (not part of Clemens's autobiography).
1. A Corn Pone Prayer (August 15, 1906)
Events of the first day of school in Mrs. Horr's class in Hannibal; picking the wrong switch for his first whipping; learning how prayers could be answered with gingerbread; disclaiming Christianity to his mother on grounds of selflessness.
2. The Minstrel Show (November 30, 1906)
Description of three-man minstrel show popular in Hannibal of the 1840s; takes mother and Aunt Betsey Smith to a minstrel show in St. Louis performed by the Christy minstrel troupe.
3. The Mesmerist (December 1, 1906)
Young Clemens achieves fame by feigning mesmerism by a traveling magician, vanquishing his rival, Hicks.
(December 2, 1906)
More of Clemens's performances with the mesmerist; an adult Clemens attempts to convince his mother that his performance was a lie, but she refuses to believe him; dismisses Carlyle's statement, "a lie cannot live."
(December 3, 1906)
Retells the story of a successful mesmerist and an unappreciative subject.
4. Jim Wolfe and the Wasps (October 16, 1906)
Describes the bashful character of "Uncle Remus"--Joel Chandler Harris; boyhood friend, Jim Wolf, allows himself to be quietly and repeatedly stung by wasps rather than make a scene in front of a number of ladies.
(October 30, 1906)
Young Clemens plays a practical joke on Jim Wolf by putting wasps in his bed.
1. "The Jumping Frog" (May 21, 1906)
A short history of the publishing of The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, and Other Sketches by Charles H. Webb (and its refusal by the subsequently remorseful Mr. Carleton) and of The Innocents Abroad by Elisha Bliss of the American Publishing Company.
2. The American Publishing Company (May 23, 1906)
Clemens is cheated by Elisha Bliss and the American Publishing Company on The Innocents Abroad, Roughing It, and A Tramp Abroad; Elisha Bliss's death and Clemens's realization of the swindle.
3. James R. Osgood (May 24, 1906)
Severs connection with Newton Case and the American Publishing company after publishing Roughing It, The Gilded Age, Sketches New and Old, and Tom Sawyer; publishes The Prince and the Pauper, The Stolen White Elephant, and Life on the Mississippi with James R. Osgood; catalog of bad investments in failed inventions and his missed investment in the telephone.
4. Setting Up as a Publisher (May 26, 1906)
Sets up his nephew-in-law, Charles Webster, up in the publishing business to publish Huckleberry Finn; platform reading with George W. Cable.
5. General Grant's Publisher (May 28, 1906)
Explains Grant's financial troubles and convinces Grant to publish his memoirs for subscription distribution with Clemens's company.
(May 29, 1906)
The vanity gained by Clemens's publisher, Charles Webster, by the company's success.
(June 1, 1906)
Grants desires Clemens's opinion of his memoirs; Grant's friendship with Confederate General Buckner; Grant's final days; the profits of the memoirs.
6. Failure of a Publisher (June 2, 1906)
Webster mismanages the company by refusing books that Twain recommends (by authors such as Joe Jefferson and Mr. Walters) and accepting books certain to fail (by authors such as Henry Ward Beecher and Stedman, the poet); publishing problems with A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court and The Library of Humor; Webster and Company fails; Henry H. Rogers rescues Clemens.
1. When a Book Gets Tired (August 30, 1906)
Theory of writing by amanuensis; the fruits of taking a break in the middle of a manuscript as shown in Tom Sawyer, The Prince and the Pauper, and A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court; unfinished works such as "Which Was It?" "The Refuge of the Derelicts," "The Adventures of a Microbe During Three Thousand Years--by a Microbe," The Mysterious Stranger, and another book with Huck Finn, Tow Sawyer, and Jim; finding the right form and start of a story as shown by Joan of Arc and "The Death Wafer"; a burned, unfinished story about mental telegraphy.
2. Humorists (July 31, 1906)
Copyright infringement of a reprint of Mark Twain's Library of Humor; a catalog of American humorists; the necessity of transparently preaching in humor writing.
3. "1601" [July 31, 1906]
Letters between John Hay and Charles Orr concerning the possibility of publishing Clemens imagined Elizabethan conversation, "1601"; the story's history, from its genesis in a letter to Twichell through Clemens's promises to distribute it.
4. "A Connecticut Yankee" (December 5, 1906)
Clemens's motive for writing A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court; medieval conditions compared to modern cruelty in Russia and in King Leopold's Belgium.
5. Platform Readings (October 10, 1907)
Seeing Charles Dickens perform a platform reading and meeting Olivia Langdon; compares lecturing and reading; Clemens's return to the platform, accompanied by George W. Cable; the text of the platform version of "His Grandfather's Old Ram" from Roughing It; the use of the pause in recitation.
6. The Snodgrass Letters (September 10, 1906)
Clemens's early writings including his satire of Captain Isaiah Sellers; correspondence between H.M. Alsen and Thomas Reese concerning the Snodgrass letters; Clemens does not remember writing the Snodgrass letters and disavows making a contract or being paid for them.
7. "What Is Man?" (September 4, 1907)
Hartford's Monday Evening Club's objections to the philosophy behind "What is Man?"; the piece's anonymous publication; the preface to "What is Man?"
8. "Extract from Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven" (August 29, 1906)
The writing (with Howells and others) of the composite tale which appeared in Harper's Bazaar; Clemens's acquaintance with Captain Ned Wakeman; the publication history of Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven; Twichell meets Wakeman.
9. "The Fortifications of Paris" (February 15, 1906)
Olivia Clemens's illness after the birth of her son and her care by Mrs. Gleason of Elmira; the death of Miss Emma Nye of typhoid fever in the Clemens's home; Clemens publishes a spurious map of Paris which is found useful during the Franco-Prussian War.
10. "The Report of My Death" (April 3, 1906)
Clemens tells a reporter investigating a claim of his death to "Say the report is exaggerated."
1. Bret Harte (June 13, 1906)
Reporting for San Francisco's Morning Call--writing a piece on the mistreatment of a Chinaman and Clemens's subsequent dismissal; becoming acquainted with Harte and how Harte rose to literary prominence.
(June 14, 1906)
Harte's character and his literary aspiration of imitating Dickens.
(February 4, 1907)
More of Harte's adventures.
[February 4, 1907--according to Neider]
Harte's penchant for borrowing and then ignoring his debts; Harte's amazing work habits; Harte's failures as a house guest.
[date unknown]
Harte's dishonest business dealings; the passing similarity to Harte of Jim Gillis, the pocket-miner.
[date unknown]
Harte's political apathy; Harte's betrayal of his own son to his friend, John McCullough, the actor; Harte's desertion of his family and Clemens's unwitting discloser of that fact to Harte's future son-in-law.
2. The Memorial to Thomas Bailey Aldrich (July 3, 1908)
Aldrich's admirable characteristics and those not-so-admirable, including his wife.
(July 8, 1908)
The failure of the widow, Mrs. Aldrich, to properly receive and accommodate the literary guests invited to her husband's memorial.
(July 9, 1908)
The terrible speeches at the memorial, as well as Howells's and Clemens's.
3. Murat Halstead and Bayard Taylor (July 7, 1908)
Clemens's work history and distaste for work held up against Halstead's industry; on a ship with Clemens, Halstead meets Bayard Taylor, an old friend.
4. Kipling (August 11, 1906)
Kipling's reputation; an unknown, young Kipling travels to Elmira to meet Clemens.
(August 13, 1906)
Clemens's admiration of Kipling's work, especially Kim.
5. Elinor Glyn (January 13, 1908)
Clemens meets Elinor Glyn, English author of Three Weeks; Clemens gives his views on the laws of Nature (the laws of God) in opposition to social conventions; makes a distinction between private sentiments and public (published) ones; ridicules "duty for duty's sake."
1. White and Red (July/August 1907)
The pains and sorrows of attending banquets; Clemens gives a speech at a college of Oxford about his conspicuousness of dress.
2. Marie Corelli (July/August 1907)
Clemens makes the mistake of consenting to make a social call on Marie Corelli of Stratford, England; she takes advantage of the situation at Clemens's expense.
3. Winston Churchill (July/August 1907)
Sir Gilbert Parker reminds Clemens of a conversation with Winston Churchill in which Clemens was not able to get a word in edgewise.
4. Sidney Lee (July/August 1907)
Clemens again meets J.M. Barrie and is foiled in his attempt to speak at length with him; remembers the first time he told the story of Tom Sawyer's whitewashing of the fence; remembers attending dinner with Anthony Trollope and Joaquin Miller.
[July/August 1907]
Compares Sidney Lee's bashfulness with Joel Chandler Harris's; Clemens attends a dinner in which most of the guests (including Andrew Carnegie, W.D. Howells, and John Burroughs) are overcome with stage fright when required to make a speech.
5. The Holy Grail (July/August 1907)
Clemens calls on the widow of Stanley, the explorer; Clemens remains skeptical when Archdeacon Wilberforce shows him the recently discovered Holy Grail
[June 25, 1908--the day after the death of Cleveland]
Eulogy for Grover Cleveland at the expense of Roosevelt.
[n.d]
Chance encounter with Horace Greeley.
[ca. 1886 or 1887]
Castigation of John Wannamaker for cheating General Grant's family.
(October 31, 1908)
Henry Butters dies; Clemens compares the loss he feels to that of William C. Prime upon the death of his enemy, Edwin M. Stanton.
(October 3, 1907)
The newspaper syndicate; story of Clemens's first meeting with Lieutenant-General Nelson A. Miles in Washington D.C. in 1867--Clemens sells Miles a dog that Clemens doesn't own, but Clemens remains honest in the end.
(May 26, 1907)
Eulogy for Jim Gillis and his undiscovered genius; stories attributed to Jim; Jim Gillis and the inedible fruit; Jim challenges a man to a duel.
[ca. the 1880s]
Walks to Boston with Twichell and encounter locals with a proficiency in profanity.
(November 24, 1906)
Clemens argues for a perpetual copyright with Lord Thring in English Parliament.
(September 7, 1906)
Clemens observes the Americanization of Europe through Anglo-Saxon patriotism.
[n.d.]
Clemens questions whether mankind with all its faults can truly be "the chief love and delight of God."
(October 2, 1906)
Clemens details the series of "accidents" in his life that has led him to his success.